She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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