just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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