he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
