If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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