So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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