What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
North Korea, Best Korea!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
