wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
