I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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