y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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