Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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