Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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