just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
