you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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