I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
