We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
