He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
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I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
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Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The feeling are messing with the penis
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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