Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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