Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
