At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
