is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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