If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
