We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my shit smells like andre
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
