$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
