You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
