Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
