I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
