she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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