I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
