The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize