Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You're like the curious george of whores
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
