i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
