We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
