Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
