It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I need a beard to bite.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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