You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We got so high we made milksteak
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
