Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
