Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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