I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
