FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
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If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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