I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
