my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
