when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize