It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize