You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
