There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize