An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
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I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
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Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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