I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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