i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
