No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
