If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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