after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
