Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
