There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
