what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
