Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
