Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
